From Patient to Person - The Unspoken Truth About Recovery After Treatment

Losing Identity as a Patient

I felt like I lost my identity quickly when I became a patient.

I did as I was told, I had the treatment that was needed. I had radical treatment, daily radio therapy, weekly chemo and brachytherapy.

I never missed an appointment.

I did my best not to complain and I was very aware how busy everyone around me was.

There wasn’t the time or space for me to process my feelings and emotions while I was going through treatment — it would have been too overwhelming and I knew I had no choice but to get on with it.

The Emotional Impact During Treatment

I felt shocked, tense, anxious, exhausted, and scared all at once. I lost strength what felt like over night and within a couple of weeks control of my body, with fatigue sickness and bowel issues I didn’t think possible.

It felt like I was in a constant state of overwhelm, with very little relief… Or rest…. Doing my best not to let it get the better of me.

What Happens When Treatment Ends

When treatment ended, all I wanted was to become a person once more…

To return to what I once knew — but it wasn’t the same, I didn’t feel the same.

I felt very distressed inside, doing my best to mask it and just get on with normal life.

From the very beginning of noticing changes in my body… to seeing a GP, on numerous occasions… to waiting times, to scans and preparing to receive results that quite possibly could be worst case scenario…

From the very start prior to the diagnosis the anxiety and fear that comes with overthinking — slowly becomes normal — alongside shock and tension held in both the mind and body at diagnosis no matter how much you prepare. 

Life After Treatment and Ongoing Effects

I had become highly aware of myself and over time I became more sensitive.

This prolonged experience of stress changes how the mind reacts and processes information.

I didn’t feel like me, I wasn’t able to function as I always had. Everything felt unfamiliar — from my mindset, to my mood, to my attitude.

My body and mind continued to feel the effects of treatment long after it had finished.

The Ongoing Impact

The anxiety of waiting for scans… To see if treatments are working.

Waiting for results that are out of your control… Hoping to hear the best news, but also preparing to hear the worst..  Knowing you’re doing everything you can.

It created internal responses that left me feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed.

I was so scared wanting to hide but knowing I had to face everything.

I became highly sensitive to noise, busy environments and everyday situations that were once my normal, I felt they were triggering, uncomfortable and all too much.

The Feelings We Don’t Talk About

I also held guilt and fear of upsetting my children, my family.

I didn’t talk about it — I didn’t want to upset anyone any more than what they were.…

I also couldn’t begin to explain how bad it truly feels, or explain what I’d been through, they had been there to see it they’d been through enough.

Once my treatment was finished everyone was so happy and I felt it was my responsibility, duty to be happy and return to everyday life as quickly as I could and act as if nothing major had happened and I now know that was my downfall….

Rebuilding Yourself After Illness

I had to rebuild my relationship with me.

I had to really allow myself to process everything I’d been through —

I needed constant reassurance and support…

I needed to recover mentally and emotionally…

I needed to calm my nervous system… and I needed to feel like me again.

I needed to know that I wasn’t the problem.

A simple way to support recovery, designed to help you rebuild your relationship with you… Feel good about you and start your recovery with Fused4Life — just press play.